. Today was really interesting for many reasons and I have been feeling constant pain from attachment lately. I have made many mistakes but today I feel wiser than before but somehow more confused. I still have a longing deep inside to find something, to find the source and be apart of it once again.
I find that this feeling subsides when I meditate and I become more connected with what is. I struggle to accept ‘what is’ and I have trouble wanting to keep that, which is so freely given by life. Somehow I think that I own it. Sometimes I feel afloat on an ocean and that I have no direction but I know that I must continue to live.
What has it all come to? I have grown closer to god and I cannot turn my back on it any longer. Dishonesty within myself is poison. Things have changed, and now, when I am at drift, I cannot turn and run, I must listen and be more connected and more alive waiting for the breath of earth to remove my pain. My life is but the universe speaking about the balance of infinite things and I know deeply that I have begun to walk the right path. The effort must be applied to becoming more aligned with the design of the infinite wisdom of the universe and not with what I seek and desire. This is the key to the success that will free me from my drifting at sea.
Over the last year it has become clear that I cannot listen to the voices in my head, the ego, for guidance. The ego acts in self-serving and manipulative ways that seek to enrich only its-self. This is the source of pain. The layers of my pain have started to divulge a comprehensive pattern of self-seeking combined with grasping at that which is not mine. This and at the same time holding on to what I have to tightly. This only takes the life out of what you straggle so hard, people, places and things.
This is the true battleground for me. This is one of the most classic of fights between good and evil. Here, between the skirmishes, in the dust with sunrays pouring through, I can see both the life that light creates and the death that evil births in the dark. I have no hand from my mind. My heart, connected to that which is ancient and filled with knowledge, the essence of my being. I witness the true crusader that stands and acts with every breath to bring light and awareness. I cannot think the path, I must see it, and act upon it. It is the act of faith that encompasses grace. I have started to see the signs of synchronicity in my life from these acts of faith and I am astonished by the grace that I have been granted in these times.
I have begun to ask for guidance and the path has become illuminated. From this stand point the trail looks steep at times but I do not fully grasp the plan or the contour of the slopes ahead but again how can I?
3 comments:
james, your words are poetry, art. It's an honor to be inspired by you as your friend & see you evolve so beautifully.
Well, its about time you figured this out. lol If your not honest with yourself, then everything else is a form of a lie. One Love bruddah
The mission said it best. I agree. I am always humbled by the beauty of the soul I see reflected in your eyes. Both its shadow and light. It is impossibly difficult to let go of the ego, but when you finally arrive at the place where you are ready to let go, life begins to change dramatically (although somewhat slowly). It sounds like you're standing on the ledge. Just continue to let the higher power you're tuning into guide you and trust life. God is with you!
Post a Comment