A Productive Day Here In San Francisco

Today was a great day for work. I felt at peace on the computer and the code and clicks flowed out of me. I had no remorse for the time that I spent stretching and meditating while I took short breaks. I have found a new peace here in SF. I moved in to an apartment up near USF and I have found that living closer to all my folks including people that I don't really know has given me some hope for humanity. I don't really know why, I guess the sunset really is depressing.


I haven't written in this blog for a long time and I hope to do so starting now. My life has changed very much over the last 8 months and I have taken a new course with my spiritual fitness as well as my climbing and overall life patterns. I have been sober and repairing or correcting the things that I had drifted away from in search of myself while sacrificing the very things that I wished to become close to.


I am in a far better spot than I really have been since my mother died 19 years ago. I don't feel the anguish set in on my anymore, I feel forgiveness for people. I am learning to let people be who they are, not who I want them to be. Also, I am not trying to become what I think others want me to be. It's strange how simple this all sounds right now but how complex it seemed just a short time ago, wrapped up in a life that wasn't mine and trying to survive off of the rations that I gave myself to stay alive.

Many times I went in to the mountains to find god and I never found him. I would come back wounded and egotistical because of my exploits but I was never fulfilled. I could have died out there finding nothing. I had a calm state come over me the other day though sitting on my couch. I remembered this lake behind the "Mushroom Cap" in Yosemite, a beautiful lake with mist from the cold morning, hanging over it and the dawn sky lighting it and reflecting off of the perfectly still water. With the earth dropping in on the sides and the soft forest whispering in It's soft voice.
I remember and visualized what it would be like to sit there and just be, like the water, letting my mind drift in the movement the is all things.


I have been thinking about that place, not knowing if it really exists but in my mind that's all I need. That mirror to the heavens, my heaven.

That's what life has been like lately, filled with the freedom that not being fearful gives you. I battled fear with all the weapons that I had. Through myself at it and came back starved for love and salvation. I never truly turned inward and looked at what was driving me to do these things that lacked grace but had hard man written all over them.

I'm still down though. I think that I can be far more successful now in my endevers. Striving for serenity not pain or the abolition of it. I am here every minute. Give me a call old friends and lets talk and go climbing.

Love,
James